Friday, May 8, 2009

I'm here, physically....

I just don't feel like I am here mentally or emotionally.

I am still soooooooooooo angry! I just wish that I could stop this feeling! I really am tired of being and bitch! I get so mad about everything. I have just been coming home and doing nothing! I try to control my anger when I am at work and such and normally I do.

And of course we are still dealing with the grave site situation. Long story short, the couple volunteered / agreed to move their headstone. The cemetery guy admitted also to them that he made a mistake but was taking no responsibility / action to do anything about it. So we have to make the arrangements to have it moved and paid for. Then we are asking the cemetery board to reimburse us. Just what I wanted to do after loosing my son and burying him. Yeah, thanks...

Then there is Mothers Day. Yippee... I am pretty sure that most all of us are dreading this. Can we take it off the calendar? Dale and I were talking about going away for the weekend, but not looking like that will happen.... I am not only hurting from loosing my children, but this is the first and only year that my relationship has been strained with my own Mother. I really hope that it gets better soon. I really wish this weekend was over.

On top of all this, this is our anniversary weekend that we lost our son. Four months ago today we found out he was no longer living. Tomoorow is the 4 months anniversary that he was born and Monday is the four month anniversary that we buried our little baby.

I should be 33 weeks and 2 days pregnant today. We should be planning on bringing him home, instead of greiving loosing him.

I still hate work!

Life completly sucks!

I miss him so much!

I love you Little Dale!



caitsmom said...


Natalie said...

Thinking of you with love, especially this weekend.

angie said...

Oh, Sarah, that is so infuriating, and so unfair. You are right, not anything you should have to deal with. I just hit four month a few weeks ago, and I imagined this mark much has been so hard, angry, sad...I'll be thinking about you a ton this weekend.
With much love and many hugs.

Emalee said...

I just read your story for the first time and it is just heart breaking. I am SO sorry you are on this journey with us other mommy's. my heart breaks for you. I am thinking of you......