have really been weighing heavily on my mind. I think that most all of us that have lost a child have been through this, I just wonder if we ever get them back?
The one that is bothering me the most is the distance between my Mom and I. I used to talk to her everyday, sometimes 2 or 3 times a day, about nothing. Just seeing what she is doing, how was her day, etc... I will say, that she is a very strong woman, but I think that she just does not know what say or do for us. She does not call at all like she used to. Heck, I haven't talked to her since Saturday, and I called her! Before that it was I think the Tuesday before! I want to talk to her and tell her some stuff, like we are still SO HURTING, I am VERY depressed, I have been seeing a therapist and we have been going to group counseling, the cemetery guy sold us the wrong grave site, we picked out and ordered L.D.'s head stone, I am HATING my job. I just don't know why she doesn't ask? I know, I could easily tell her this stuff, but I just don't want to bombard her with all of this and bring her down. I think that she is upset to see her daughter (me) hurting, she has to know, I have NOT been myself. Also, when we had L.D. we (D) had asked her to stay in the labor and delivery room while we had him. I am sure that was hard for her, seeing her grandchild born, and not be alive, and I understand that.
Another relationship that is on my mind is a friend that I have had since kindergarten. We have always been close. However, not that she did anything at all, since I lost L.D., I don't want to pursue our friendship. She has texted, emailed and v.m. me several times since we lost him, and I have no desire to connect to her. Why is this?
I don't remember having these feelings when we lost our first Angel, 13 years ago. Maybe I don't remember, or maybe I was to young to "feel" anything like this. I don't know. But it really is bothering me. Because I do love these two people so much.....