Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Aug 11, 2009

There is SO much I want to say these days... so much going on...
The month of August has always been hard. This is the month that our first little Angel was due to be born, Aug 23. Every year I remember this day, this month. Hard to imagine we would have a 13 year old! I have only had one vision of what we would have had, and it is since we lost Little Dale. It was the night before the whole cemetery meeting, and I pictured a beautiful young girl holding Little Dale. We miss our first Angel so much.
Today was 7 months ago when we buried our Son. Sunday was 7 months ago that he was born. Everything is just swirling around in my head. Everything is so vivid. Still. It still is so hard. I think that I thought it wouldn't be this hard, this far out. But it sure is. D. has been having some bad days also.... I miss him so much.

Last month I had my therapy at a longer interval than previous.. that was not so great. So I am getting back to my regular 2 weeks. It really seems to help me. We also had our SHARE meeting, and that always helps. I think that it really helps D. He doesn't want/have time/ won't make time for regular therapy for himself, so as long as he want's to go to SHARE, we will. I don't think that I am strong enough to go by myself, but someday hope to be able to.
I think that I am about to hold my first infant since we lost Little Dale. Actually this little boy is one of my managers, who was born in March, and we were pregnant together. He would have been 3 months older than our son. I haven't put myself in this situation and am scared as hell. I am afraid that I will break down, and don't want to. To be honest, I was supposed to call her and let her know what time I was getting here... but was putting it off and she called......
I want to THANK EVERYONE that has commented to me. I really do appreciate your thoughts and words. I do try to comment back and on others blogs, but for some reason I can't. It seems like the ones that have the crooked words I can comment on easier, but the others I can't seem to. If anyone has an ideas on what I can change let me know. I do follow your blogs, and laugh with you , or cry with you, or feel what you are feeling.



Marie W said...

Thinking of you Sarah.

Rach said...

Thinking you and your precious Dale. Wish he was here with you know. xxx