Thursday, April 9, 2009

Our Story - Part III - Jan. 09, 2009 - Our UN-happy ending

After getting the meds. started, and with it being so late, everyone tried to sleep. I was up all night. Obviously could not sleep. I remember just laying there thinking, flipping the tv, more thinking, crying off and on. At 4:00 am, they checked me, gave me more meds. Then 8:00 am, last does of meds. My water broke around 8:30 and was in hard labor until about 11:00 am. At that time, things started moving really fast.

At 11:20, Jan.09, 2009, Dale L. W. III was brought into this world, with out a single breath of air, to live with the Angels.

We did not know what we were having, and it did not matter, we just wanted a living happy healthy baby, and when the nurse told us, "it's a boy", we were both so happy and so sad at the same time. You see, my husband has always wanted a little boy, as most dad's do. He wanted a little boy, to name after him and his father, to truck with him, and to farm with him, and to have the relationship he and his father had. The hardest thing that I have ever heard my husband say, ever, was "you have given me everything that I have ever wanted", and all I could think was, "yes, but he is not alive". It completely broke my heart.

D. wanted to tell our family members that he was a boy. You see, we had all of our family there, they were so supportive. By the time that we had L.D., both of our Mothers were there, 5 sisters, then his Dad and other sister came up to see him. We all held him, and D. and I spent some alone time with him. We had 3 blessings of L.D. that day. Our priest came up and gave the last blessing, with all of our family members there. That really meant the world to me, us.

Little Dale was so perfect! I don't really know what I expected, but he was completely formed. 10 fingers, 10 toes, eyes, ears, nose, lips, he even looked like he had a little half smile on his face! I think that he was going to look like his dad! He looked so peaceful just laying there, in my hands. We kissed him, and hugged him. The one thing that looking back now I wished we would have done was get a picture of him w/ me and D.

The hospital was so very compassionate, caring, professional. I would not have wanted to be anywhere else. They had given us a very nice memory box, with 3 pictures of him, all wrapped up with his little stuffed dog the hospital gave him. I will cherish those pictures for ever.

We were released that night around 5:30 p.m. and got home around 7:30. It was so hard walking into our home, with out our little baby. We never thought that it would end up this way. We did not sleep at all that night, or for about the first 2 weeks. I remember going to bed, we both just layed there and cried and held that little blue blanket that they had wrapped L.D. in. We ended up going to D. parents at 5 in the am. We were both so upset and just needed to be with them. And out of our home. There were so many memories there! His parents were truly saints through out this whole time. We ended up at their house pretty much every morning and late at night, and sometimes during the day. D. is really close with his parent, and I love them so much! We just couldn't concentrate at home. All we did was cry.

The next day, Jan. 10th, we went to pick out L.D. little casket and made arrangements for the funeral. I remember being complety numb, and just crying. D. did most of it. He was so strong!

We had Little Dale's funeral on Jan 11, 2009. We had our parents, our brothers' and sisters, neices and nephews and two very close friends there. That is all we wanted. Little Dale had meant so much to them! We had our Preist do the service, and to be honest, I couldn't even tell you anything about it. I remember sitting there, just crying, numb, thinking why? Everything had been going so good! What could have happened!?!? We had two songs that D & I wanted played, Angels Among Us to start the service and Some Where Over the Rainbow to end the service. After the service we went to my parents, then to his. That was one of the worst days of my life.

The next couple weeks were a complete daze. We just survived. We have been through SO MANY ups and downs since then.

We will NEVER forget our Little Dale!

Here's to you little buddy! Mommy and Daddy LOVE YOU!


1 comment:

Lilly's Mom (Desiree) said...

Wow. I hate that I have to write under such circumstances, but it's nice to finally find someone who knows what I am going through. Losing a baby is losing a baby... but most people I have found have had at least a few, minutes with their baby. Or they knew that something was wrong and had time to mentally prepare themselves. But i went to the hospital on 11-13-09 expecting to bring home my baby girl, and when taken to my room was told she was gone forever.
God bless you and your family.