Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Our Story- Part II - Oct. 14th, 08 - Jan 08, 09

Tues, Oct 14th, I was driving home from work. For some reason, I played the stupid game, "if there is a parking spot at the store, I will stop and get a pregnancy test". I think that ONLY reason that I did it, was b/c I was to have my yearly on that Friday the 17th, and I had not started. In fact, I was supposed to have started the week before, and be done. At this time I expected it to be negative, after all, over the years, I took SO MANY, and got negatives, this one had to be, right?

I hadn't taken a test in months. I was done with them, but I stopped, got one, went home and took it. IT WAS POSITIVE. I didn't even have to hold it at an angle to make sure there was or wasn't' a line. IT WAS POSITIVE!!! OMG!!! I then went and bought 4 more and they were all positive! I was so excited to tell D! When he got home later that night, he guessed it! I don't know why. I remember it to a T. He came home, and was walking down the hall to change. I was sitting in the chair, he says glowing. I am sure that I was grinning pretty big as I told him "I have something I need to talk to you about". That was his first guess! He was so happy! He has wanted a family for so long, we both come from big families, and are the last ones in each family to have any children. And it seemed like the time was finally here!

The next day, I bought 2 more, the ones that say "pregnant" or "not pregnant", and they both said pregnant! I could not believe it!

I didn't call my Dr since I had an apt in 3 days, b/c I didn't want them to say wait until x number of weeks before we see you, and plus I needed/wanted them to "confirm" the results, and with me being Diabetic, I wanted to stay on top of being healthy. So we went, and they did confirm the urine test, however it was a faint line. They took blood tests, and were to call us with the results. That was the longest day! They hadn't called by 4:30, so I called them. The nurse had to call me back, and when she did, the news was good. Our numbers were were they were supposed to be! We couldn't be happier! The Dr wanted us to get blood test every couple days, so I went and our numbers kept going up. I will admit, the first couple weeks when we were getting the blood test, I was scared and worried. But once we made it through the blood test, I was feeling better.

We had our first sono on Oct 31st, and we saw our little baby's heart beat! She said everything looked normal! Our first official appointment was on Nov. 17th. I heard the heartbeat! OMG! Everything sounded and seemed to be going good. By then, we were 9 weeks. I remember the Dr saying it was a good sign to hear the heartbeat this early. I was getting less and less nervous each week we made it. I did have to go on insulin. I went to meet with the diabetes educator, she gave me a diet to follow, check my sugars 6 times a day, insulin 4 times. All was going well.

Dec. 18th, dr apt. Heard the heartbeat, everything seems good and normal. I was finally starting to relax. We were 14 weeks. We had made it past the 3 month period. I felt that we were going to be fine.

We made it through the holidays. We had planned on starting the baby's room on Jan 01, 2009, and that is what we did.That Thursday,him and I moved everything out of the room. I did not move or carry anything heavy.

That Friday, I went to work. I felt good all day. The girls at work were really starting to notice I was getting big. I got home that day, and used the rest room. I thought that I had noticed some very light pink. I kept checking and didn't see anything else.

The next day, Saturday I kept checking. I was feeling fine, no cramps, no blood. I remember resting all day. D. went to play Santa Claus, I went to my sisters, as D. and his nephew painted the room, so I wouldn't be around the fumes.

The next day we celebrated my dad's 65th birthday, which was actually the 8th. All my family could make it on that Sunday, so we had a little get together. We had a good day, no problems, no cramping, no bleeding.

On Monday (5th), I called the nurse, just to let her know, I told her what had happened, but I was having no problems, felt good, etc.. She said just watch everything and if I had any problems, to call her.

Tuesday (6th) was my birthday. It was also the first and last day that I took a picture of our baby inside my belly. I don't know why I took it. I didn't think anything was wrong, but I had been saying, "We need to take some pictures of the baby in my belly". Now, I am so glad that I have that one picture, I will forever keep. The nurse called that day to check on me. No problems to report. I thought that it was very nice of her to call.

Wed.(7th) D. had to go to the dr and get a scope done. He had been sick, and they wanted to check his ulcer. I took him and waited for him, when we got home, the nurse had called again to check on me. All good, no problems. I thought again, wow, this is really good care. That afternoon I had a really bad "cramp" that I honestly thought was gas bubble, but it was high, right under my right rib cage, so I thought it was gas. I went about my day, we had our Church Christmas party that night. No problems.

Thursday (8th) was the day that our lives were turned upside down and our hearts were crushed. I woke as usual, feeling good. No problems. We both went on our way to work. I had a 3 hour drive that am, so I left early. On the way to the store, I stopped to use the rest room, and that is when I saw bright red blood. To be honest, it didn't scare me right away. I had been constipated, and I know it sound's stupid, but I really thought it was from that. Again, I was not cramping, I kept checking, and no more blood. After I left the store, I went ahead and called the nurse. When I talked to her, I started crying. She wanted me to come in and get checked, just to be safe. I called D, just to let him know. He was in St. Louis working, and asked if I wanted him to meet me. I said no, everything would be fine. I was thinking that I would be able to see what we were having and tell D., but was sure that everything was fine. I was 3 hrs. away from the Dr. I stopped on the way there, just to check, and nothing. I just knew that EVERYTHING would be fine.

My sister K. thankfully had an apt. that day, with the same Dr. I had talked to her and wanted her to be with me, since she was going to be there. (Another reason I told D. he didn't need to come up.)

Well, I got there, and they immediately got me into the sono room. Time went SO SLOW, but yet everything happened so fast. My sister wasn't done when I first went in, so she was not able to be there. When I went in the room, I immediately started crying. I guess I was more scared than I realized. I told the tech what was going on, and she got me ready. When the sonographer came in, she was so nice. She asked me some questions, and started the sono. I could tell instantly there was no heartbeat, but there was a perfect little baby. My world collapsed! The poor lady was crying also. She was so nice. I wouldn't let her leave at first. Here I was, I just found out that my little baby was dead, in a cold, dark sonogram room! I was bawling my eyes out! I finally let her go and find my sister, who in the mean time had called me to see where I was. (we were just across the hall). She finally came into the room and we just hugged. She is my baby sister, 4 years younger than me, and my best friend. I unfortunately put so much on her that night. I had to tell D. but didn't want to tell him when he was by him self. We are an hour and a half away from the hospital, so I had K. call his mom and dad, and they unfortunately had to tell him. He was devastated. I had also called my other sister. She lives in the town where we went to the dr. She didn't answer, but called right back, and K. told her what was going on. J. was there within minutes. We had be brought back to the other side of the hall where my dr was and ushered into a room. It was pure hell. I am glad my sisters were there for me. D. was on his way up, his parents were bringing him. The dr came in to let us know our options. 1) Go home, wait for it to happen naturally, I did not want that, 2) Have a DNC, I did not want that. The FMF had came in the sono room and said that they could induce, so I asked my dr. about that. He seemed hesitant, but in the end that is what we did. I had "waited for nature to take it's course" before with the first miscarriage, and I just couldn't go through that again. And, I did not want to risk a DNC. Of course, if things didn't progress with the meds, that is what would have had to happen. I had called D. and told what was going on. Somewhere in between, K. called our parents to tell them what was going on. I was upset that we had to tell them, as it was my dad's birthday, and they both were so upset.
We had been transferred to the hospital down the road, got registered, had to wait in a "surgical" room until I could get up to the L&D floor. At first they were trying to not put me up there, but in the end that is where we ended up, around 1030 pm.
D. and his parents got there around 6:30 pm, my other sister got there around the same time. Everyone was so sad, and crying. I hated seeing my husband so upset! His eyes were so sad! His heart was so broken! And of course his parents were just as upset. We all waited for a while so they could get me a room, which was taking FOREVER. My in-laws left around 9pm, and we were finally moved to a room around 10.30pm. We had asked for one more sono, just to make sure and so that D. could see our little baby. It was so heartbreaking. The baby had turned, and we could see everything! We both cried so much! We were actually seeing our little baby, who was so perfect, but not living!

My 3 sisters stayed by us all night and we were ever so grateful for their support. They all dropped everything in their lives to be there for us.

They finally started the meds. for induction at midnight. Jan 9, 2009.


1 comment:

Barbara said...

I'm sorry you had to write this.