Tuesday, March 31, 2009

This week, so far, sucks...

Well, Sunday was a dud. Very bad day. Nothing prompted it. I woke early for mass, went, left mass early b/c I couldn't stop crying. I stopped at Little Dale's grave site, to visit him, and cried some more. I just miss him SO MUCH! I wish he could be here on earth with us, his Mom and Dad and family. It hurts so much. People still don't understand. That is what sucks. Even family, I feel as though they think that we should be back to our old selves already. Guess what, it is not going to happen anytime soon...

Then of course there is that time consuming thing we call a job that I had to go to on Monday and today... nothing major happened with work. The thing that gets me is that I drive quite a distance to most of my locations. When I drive, I think. All my thoughts go back to L.D., and why, and what happened, what will the future hold. That is the hard part. Just driving and thinking.

My brother in law stopped by today. He is going to start/finish "The Baby's Room". We had started on it Jan. 01, 2009. We lost L.D. on Jan, 09, 2009. We (my hubby) had put the first coat of paint on, and he was getting ready to finish and trim it when we found out we were loosing L.D. Anyway, we hadn't done anything to the room since. So it has been sitting there, empty.
Waiting to be finished. My b.i.l. is going to put down hard wood floor, and I will then put the room back together. I can't wait to see what it is going to look like, I do think that it is going to be HARD. We did not go into that room until the end of Feb., over a month since we lost him. The door had been closed the whole time, never opened. We couldn't. And let me tell you, it was SO EMOTIONAL. We both cried. We both had been doing "good" and thought that we were strong enough at the time to go in there. But once that door was opened, tears flooded. The room held so many good memories and future memories. We had worked so hard getting everything out of it , hubby doing the major moving / lifting. We were in the process of deciding how we would decorate the baby's room. Nothing to frilly if it was a girl, no animals for a boy... :-) oh the memories... :-( I am not putting all the stuff back in it. It kind of had been the "everything room", extra closet for storage, sowing machine, ironing board, extra dresser, spare bed... I think that I will put just the bed, L.D. memory box with all his stuff and the dresser we were going to use for the baby's room. I am going to put the His picture and our first Angel we lost on the wall. I want it to be peace full, and tranquil. A place where I can just go and sit and think of our angels with out interruptions. I hope it turns out good!

My little niece and I picked some flowers from my yard, not sure what they are, and I took them to L.D. tonight. I like stopping by just to tell him that I LOVE HIM and MISS HIM so much. I know that I can tell him that anytime and anywhere, and I do. It just helps to go and see him.

We are planning on going to the monthly SH.A.R.E meeting tomorrow night. I think this makes me nervous / anxious. I am not sure why.. .I am sure that it will be fine. We are going to try and find the Angel of Hope before the meeting.

Guess that is all for now... hopefully the week looks up...

I love you Little Dale!


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