Wednesday, April 15, 2009


So I am going through the "anger" stage in the grief process, and let me tell you, it is hitting me hard. I am just a ball of anger. Everything pisses me off! I have to take a huge step back at work, I come home, most of the time in a bad mood. I try not to take it out on D. and usually I don't, but every little thing get under my skin! I know that grief is a long process, and I fully intend to get through every stage. I just wish that I didn't have be going through it at all! I should be 30 weeks today, getting ready to have our little baby (we weren't going to find out). But no, I am sitting here pissed off at the world.



Natalie said...

I am so very sorry.

angie said...

Oh, Sarah, I know. I volley between anger and sadness almost every day. Have you considered smashing plates then making a mosaic out of it? I just think that sounds so cathartic. Sending you much love...((hugs))

Mary said...

Sarah, I recommended a good pillow beating via a tennis racket to someone else the other day. It really helps. I wonder if that is the real reason women started beating dust out of rugs.

Natalie said...

This morning I'm thinking of you with tears in my eyes. Thank you for accepting me. I don't want to be a member of this baby lost mamas club, but I am. Apparently several women feel I don't belong because my loss occurred 12 years ago. Apparently, my pain isn't raw enough, not fresh enough. Maybe in 12 or 13 years they will see that all of us still need support. Just because I can laugh easier now, I can be sarcastic and playful now, it doesn't mean that I don't have days FULL of anger and sorrow.

I just wanted you to know how much your kindness and compassion mean to me. Thank you for understanding that no one holds the patent on grief and we all hurt, no matter how many years pass. There are still days that I feel as if my heart has been ripped from my chest. I miss my baby, I desperately want to hold her.

Thank you sweet Sarah for easing my burden rather than adding to it. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Much love and many hugs to you!

Amy said...

The anger is a difficult one - it is so consuming and powerful. Do you have or can you get a punching bag? It really, really, really helps. I hope peace finds you soon.