As I was sitting here doing my nails for the first time in 6 months ( I did NOTHING that I thought would harm my little angel the whole time that I was pregnant), my mind began to remember. (I can now remember easier, ie, w/ out a pond of tears, being down for days, sometimes not getting out of bed.... )As I reached for the bottom coat, I see our answering machine. There are 9 (nine) messages on that machine that have been there since we lost Little Dale. The messages on that machine will never be erased. I can tell you exactly who they are from, what order and pretty much what the message says. We have even contemplated putting the answering machine in Little Dale's memory / hope chest, but I am afraid that if we were to unplug the machine we would loose the messages, and those messages mean the world to us. The kind words and caring thoughts people called to share. And, you see, it validates our Little Dale's short time here with us, his life that was cut way to short.
Then that reminds me of after loosing Little Dale. My nails were pretty long. One wouldn't have thought it would be the end of the world breaking a nail, ok, I wouldn't have anyway. :-) Anyway, when we got home from the hospital, of course I was in no mood / frame of mind to be taking care of my nails, however, the first one that broke in the following week, felt like the end of the world. I had this strange (?) thought process going on. I didn't want to loose anything that was a part of me at the same time that Little Dale was growing inside me.
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3 comments:
I normally don't give unsolicited advice si I apologize in advance. I recomend getting a digital recorder and recording those messages so you can transfer them to your computer. So much can go wrong with answering machines and they can be lost. You should be able to keep those messages as long as you want to.
I remember feeling the same way about not wanting anything to change (although our whole world had)...
Dale will forever be in heart... that's what matters most.
Great idea about the digital recorder!
I felt the SAME way! Even when I stopped bleeding, I cried. That part was over, gone. When my boobs deflated, more was gone. When my cycle returned, more...gone. When the physical pain was gone. When the flowers all died. All of it a reminder of what else I had lost. Even though my son was dead, I had this furious desire to not give birth. I didn't want to loose his body either. Even shaving my legs. Weird feelings. And one I very much so "get".
I agree with numb. Or you could use your cell phone (mine has a voice recorder on it) and maybe transfer it to your PC (mine allows this). And even if you can't, at least it's some what of a back up copy. Even if you just video record it. Something.
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